


It's a curse, and it's growing ; You're a pond, and I'm an ocean

by Peepapeep



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, danganronpa welcome to camp despair
Genre: (haiyu is an asshole im sorry, Ableism, Character Analysis, Character Study, Fanganronpa, I think?, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Post Game, Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia, idk im bad at tagging stuff, most of it is an inner monolouge, no beta we die like men, tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peepapeep/pseuds/Peepapeep
Summary: "You don't have to end up with people who self destructGo find a lover who will never leaveFear of abandonment, self hate, and discontentWill go away when you let yourself grieveAnd forget about me, forget about me, forget about me"---haiyu reflects on the roof.
Relationships: (one sided also sorta?), haiyu sukafu/mamoru taiyo (past), mamoru taiyo/ishi majimera
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	It's a curse, and it's growing ; You're a pond, and I'm an ocean

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry i just find haiyu rlly interesting sbhdjn

haiyu stared at mamoru silently, watching as him and ishi talked, the two of them blushing and laughing to themselves. it left the man feeling rather empty. he quietly glared at ishi, silently wishing him to undergo a long, painful death. after a moment, his glare softened as tears filled his eyes, and he curled in on himself, then wishing for his own.  
he missed when he didn't have friends, when he hadn't dated mamoru. he didn't need that asshole anyway. as he turned away from the two, he found murin staring at him, her eyes asking him what he was planning. in response, he flipped her off and went to leave the room. it seemed like she wanted to walk over and strangle him right there, but haiyu was saved by kisho walking over and asking her something, which seemed to distract her long enough to let the man slip out the room.  
he had his hands in his pockets as he moved through the hallways, a hazy sort of look in his eyes.  
before he knew what he was doing, he found himself standing on the roof. he blinked for a moment, processing his current location as he snapped out of his haze.  
the actor slowly approached the edge, placing his hands on the railings as he gazed at the world below.  
"there's nothing left for me here." his voice was soft in a way it could never be to another person. "my family probably died in the tragedy.. and this sorry lot of.. of fucking losers probably doesnt want me anyways." there was silence, his head hanging low as he continued to stare.  
"well.. who needs them anyways! i- fuck them! fuck- fuck those losers! i'm better than the lot of them, i, i-" his breathing was heavy, and after a moment of lonely silence, he found himself crying, covering his face in his hands as it got to him again. the loneliness. no, of course not. this was all some act he was putting on. it- it got boring to be so perfect all the time. so he had to put on an act.  
as he heard a door to the roof open, he straightened his back and crossed his arms, not turning around to face the mystery person. not revealing how pathetic he was. as if that was something he had ever truly hidden.  
"um.. what are you doing?" a familiar voice asked. kitsune. of course that asshole had to follow him. haiyu turned to glare at them, hoping the darkness of the night would hide his red eyes well enough.  
"why do you care? shouldn't you be getting a blowjob from katsura? or getting railed or.. whatever parts you freaks have." the actor's voice was full of malice, and his words seemed to have struck a nerve. good, he thought. maybe he'll be left alone.  
"what's your problem?" they asked, instead of leaving, which bothered haiyu greatly. "y'know, i was hoping that maybe you being an ableist prick was just some shitty coping strategy. but i guess you're just as much of an asshole as i always thought." they huffed. "mamoru wants to see you. that's the only reason i bothered following you."  
"what, to break up with me again? im not an idiot like the rest of the people in this pathetic lot. i can tell he sees something in that psycho that he didn't see in me." haiyu turned to stare at the ground again, not seeing how murderous kitsune looked just then. "why'd you come, anyways? can't he talk to me himself?"  
"as if you've never tried to send me off to talk to people for you." haiyu could practically hear them rolling their eyes, his hands gripped the railing a little tighter. "and then i went to go apologize! and they clobbered me!!" his voice shook a bit, but kitsune didn't seem to care. "you deserved it. it's not like murin ended up killing you or anything, even though i don't think anyone would've stopped her."  
he knew that. of course he knew that. "but i apologized! what more do you people want from me?"  
"to actually be better, haiyu!" they seemed exasperated with him now, that's when he turned around again.  
"what's the point? i tried to be better, i tried to love mamoru, but apparently i just- wasn't good enough! i-i don't yknow what you want me to say, kitsune. you don't believe me when im sorry, you don't believe in my relationships, you- you don't-" haiyu took a few deep breaths, forcing a perfectly crafted smile onto his face.  
"of course, i wouldn't understand someone as mentally deficient as you to understand." kitsune looked like they wanted nothing more than to kill haiyu right there.  
"why don't you go tell taiyo i have better things to do than.. to speak to a pitiful lowlife like him."  
with that, haiyu turned to look down at the ground again.  
and kitsune hesitated.  
"i don't get you, haiyu. no one here was mean to you until you started.. antagonizing everyone. even if its all an act.. as part of the game, or just in general or.. whatever.. no one else sees it that way. no one else is acting. so maybe you shouldn't be, either." they turned their wheelchair around, and pressed the elevator button.  
"maybe then we'll actually believe you."  
there was a quiet ding, and they left, and haiyu was alone. again.  
he stared up at the stars. he always liked to tell himself he was one of them, a shooting trail behind him as he entered the atmosphere, his mother halfheartedly catching him.  
but it was always just something he liked to tell himself.  
just because you say it, doesnt mean its true.  
doesnt mean people will believe you.  
maybe he can make it true, though.  
all stars.. are made to fall, right?


End file.
